Living, breathing… neither of those are an easy task, when memories come barreling out of the dark to assault the already precarious balance you have managed to scrape out for yourself. I want to scream how I feel to the mountain tops, I want to crawl into a hole and hide. I want to cry for who I used to be, I want to dance in joy at who I am… now. Conflict-ions, contradictions… I am woman hear me roar. I don’t like feeling this way… but I can’t deny how I feel either.
One moment I feel as if I could fly…. another I feel as if my heart is going to burst from my chest. I don’t like this weakness, I don’t like surprises. I don’t like being disrupted. I want what I cannot have… I want what I’ve denied and given up…. I want what is not responsible of me. If nothing else is to be known of myself, I am honorable, I am responsible. I do what is right, even if it cuts me to the bone.
I’m struggling right now. This too shall pass… I’ve weathered harsher storms, but none so cold as this.