It’s been that long?

I come here, I sign on and then….. nothing.  I have all of these creative ideas, and when I try to push then into fruition – if you will- I draw a blank.  Complete and utter blank.  I have some much going on mentally, and far beyond less in things going on around me.  I rarely have the chance to socialize, I’m locked up here (home), or working or doing one of many frivolous errands.  I joined twitter, and I only manage to do that when I remember.  Which is usually after a coffee fueled day. 

 

Soooooooo, until something actually does go from my brain to my finger tips, we shall only see.

Okay, so I may have lied…

AfterI hit publish last night, I caught myself looking at some of my old posts from a couple of years ago.  Hell, I crack my self up!  Looking at that, and thinking about it long and hard.  Well, I just don’t want to stop blogging, I want to get back to the humor, the fun of having a blog in the first place.  So, if no one visits anymore, this will be for me if nothing else.  Plus, since I’ve acquired a netbook in the last few months, with wireless hot spots being a plenty and the Boy and I keeping the roads hot – well I can squeeze in a post.  Some of the posts will be pretty odd.  I promise you that. Call me secret squirrel if you will.  Since we’ve moved into the condo’s, we have access to the pool, club house etc.  Which means that I am at the pool most mornings from 8am until 10am or so.  People the crap I see is SCARY.  Really… But I’ll save that for later. 

 

Okay, what we’ve all been dying to know…. Riverrat news!  (Whatevah’!)  Let’s see, we went to Michigan the middle of June.  Was not fun, coming, going, leaving.  None of it!  My mother in law, God love her, is well, a pill.  That’s the nicest thing I can think to say.  She means well, really and truly does.  But being that she’s  not been married no longer than the last four years of her life and she’s 65 years old should speak volumes.  Oh and she’s always lived with her mother,  who died four years ago as well.  See where I’m going with this?  Yeah well, that’s as far as I’m taking it.  I don’t want to go back to Michigan for a while.  Neither does the husband.  Seattle I think is going to be the next trip. 

Umm, there’s more.  We started Weight Watchers.  Well, the husband did.  I’m doing it in support.  (Happily, I can report that I only way fifteen more pounds than what I did when I graduated high school, and I have a seven year old son.)  But we all could stand to lose a little right?  Let me  put it to you this way, you weigh and measure and portion what you eat. It all counts as points.  Fruit and veggies are free, but you really can’t get full off of those.  Trust me, try as you might, you won’t.  Me – I’ve been on it a week today and my ass stays hungry.  BUT, I’ve lost eight pounds in a week and I have more energy.  Figure that one out. 

Schools out and summers on.  But ya’ll knew that one,  didn’t ya’?  I’m trying to make summers more eventful for the Boy.  Some days it works, others it doesn’t.  None the less, I try.  I try to have pool time every morning for a couple of hours.  The local theater has free movies for kids during the summer on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so we do those.  (I’m even cheaper, I sneak my own pop corn in! SHHHHHH, I won’t tell if you don’t.  They make enough money, trust me.)  I usually take him to see his Nana and Papa, or we’ll got over to my sister’s house on Friday’s.  She has a Wii.  That’s enough of a reason right there to visit.  I try to keep it interesting.  Me, I just get bored REALLY easily – so I try to keep myself stimulated as well. 

 

I’ve found an online game I really like.  It’s text based.  It’s called BiteFight.  I’m a werewolf, that’s all I’m saying about that.  The husband calls it my Geek Game.  Hey, it keeps me entertained. 

 

Smoking – HA!  No, I haven’t stopped, but it’s no where near like it was.  I smoke maybe ten or less a day.  I’m just not ready to give it up yet.  Plus with this diet thing going on, it’s like my own personal chocolate.  You can’t have that either on the diet, well you could but it would take up a lot of my points.  (I have 18 as of a quarter to five this evening.) 

 

I have a new hair cut.  It’s cute.  Hell, I’m just gonna’ be honest here.  I’m always cute!

 

That’s all I got for now folks.  I’m sure once I tidy up and hit publish I will have thought of a thousand more things to say, but I’ll save that for tomorrow.  Hugs and kisses!

Who really has time anymore?

I don’t have the kind of  job that keeps me in front of a computer.  If I did, I really don’t know if I would be able to accomplish a single thing.  I have the summer off, and some days I’m so busy I barely have time to notice that day has switched over to night.  I have great posts ALWAYS planned out in my head, but that’s usually where they stay.

 

I’ve discovered twitter, but if you follow me, you’ll see that I barely post there either. 

 

I don’t want to call it quits, but I’ve never really had that big of a following either.

 

SO, we’ll just leave it at this…

 

Until then, I’ll see ya’ll in a bit.

Elephants….

A few words to the wise…

 

Do not EVER reside in a condo/apartment complex what have you if you are able to do so.  The f —–er’s upstairs have decided at ten thirty at night to vacuum their floors or strip their hard wood floors.  Be damned if I really know.  But have you ever tried to sleep while a frelling elephant does it’s damned calisthenics above your head, you know somewhere on the ceiling that sounds like it’s the weakest particle board on it’s last leg?  Yeah, well that’s the shit that’s going on here!  As I type this I think the elephant has just discovered the jump rope.  At the rate of thuds going on I believe it’s lost a considerable amount of weight or it’s just had a seizure.  (Lord, don’t tell my Mama, but I hope it’s the latter.) 

 

Nope, damn.  It’s back to jumping again.  Ohhh, as I type this it just stopped.  This time let’s hope it strokes out. 

 

Nope, thudding again.  I haven’t figured out if it’s renters above us or the owners.  God, I hope it’s renters.  They normally don’t stay but a few days. 

 

Oh, and on a side note.  If the said elephant upstairs is the same that takes my parking spot on a daily basis, God help them ’cause I’m breaking out more than animal control on their big hided asses.

 

(Here’s to hoping a different breed of animal move’s in.)

 

Boy, how things have changed!

In exactly twenty four days I will be thirty.  Am I happy about this?  No, ofcourse not, but change is inevitable and then there’s always the alternative.  I could be dead.  SO – one must accept these things.  This would be one of many things you just have to roll with.  And, as per usual I am digressing.

 

I haven’t been able to truly enjoy the internet for the past six months.  Why you ask?  Because I’ve had the kind of connection that is pretty much not a connection.  I was lucky to get twenty minutes with out being disconnected.  Since I’ve been able to manage my time a little better between work, family activities, illnesses, and so forth I solved the problem.  New modem, repaired phone lines etc, I just never knew that internet could be this fast.  (Hell, it didn’t even take the usual thirty minutes to load this page.)  So Voila!  Here I am. 

 

I’ve been a working teacher for the past two and a half months.  Most days, I like it, others I just want out of there.  The past two weeks I’ve wanted out of there.  I’m over my head and barely breathing.  I hate having the feeling that I’m just at work to collect a paycheck.  I really want to feel as if I’m making a difference.  I’m just not there yet.  But, it’s getting better all the time. 

 

We’re still in the condo.  I’m still adjusting to being here.  I’m finding lately that I just don’t mind it so much.  It’s not a house, but damn it, it’s home.  I’ve been trying to figure out how to finally return to college and manage the family.  Maybe, I’ll get closer this year. 

 

We went to Daytona in February.  The 500 was not as eventful as I had hoped.  Did anyone see that race? Yes, it really was that bad in person as well.  The Boy had a blast, and for a seven year old he was well behaved!  I couldn’t have asked for a better child. 

 

More notes from home;  it’s snowed here at the beach.  Truly it was an unique site.  Was it anything to write home about – no.  We got as much as three inches in some places, but within a couple of hours it had melted away.  But ofcourse, our local government treated it as if it were a complete natural disaster.  The county had salt trucks on the road and school and local businesses were either delayed for two hours of completely shut down.  My husband is from Michigan and I have never seen him laugh so hard. 

 

I’ve finally been able to read bloglines again and I’ve noticed several people have just dropped off the face of the internet.  For one Slick is gone, he threatened it a while back and I guess he finally made good.  Now that’s someone who usually had me cleaning coffee off my screen.  Hope all is well.

 

Yankee Boy’s birthday is in two days.  Poor guy will be 33.  He cried when he turned thirty.  Currently he’s sitting on the couch telling me that I just don’t know what it’s like to be sick.  Whatever!  I gave birth!  Top that.

 

Nothing more for now.  Got a few projects to take care of.  Won’t promise more, because I just don’t know when.

Two Things…

It’s snowing at the beach…

 

History is being made…

It all comes at a price.

I wanted to give up smoking completely for the new year.  Turns out I’m so dependant on nicotine that by two o’clock this afternoon I was in tears.  I was shaking, highly irritable, and ready to bite my son and child’s head off at will. I can’t stop smoking cold turkey with a pack a day habit.  SO – today I had five as of right now.  I’m on edge, but NO WHERE near where I was a two this afternoon.  I was so hoping this was going to go smoother.

 

It’s or cold or either I’m cold.  Ever got a chill that you just couldn’t shake?  Well I keep those, I’m going to invest in knitted wraps or something that I can drape across myself fashionably. 

 

The Boy is supposed to go with his father this weekend to Georgia.  I am not to thrilled at this prospect, but I am an adult and can deal with this.  I have been handed worse, come to think of it – I divorced him.

 

I hope to be returning to work Monday.  Come to find out this morning that I may not be working as planned this month.  Money has become the bane of my existence.  (That’s also became my permanent expression as of late.)  Lets all just cross our fingers that I work, okay?

 

My marriage is at that point that all get from time to time, you know – the something’s gotta’ give phase?  Yeah well I’m there.  (Or I should say that we both are.)  It just comes down to taking our time to communicate.  Looks as if this weekend will be the time. 

 

I need to get a haircut.  That for one thing will make me feel better about myself. It always does.  I also need to do a total update on my look.  I shiver at the mere thought of the effort that will take. 

 

I will hopefully be here more often.  This blog is one of my anti smoking tools.  JOY.

Really?

Things are a changin’!  I’m trying to go with the flow.  TRYING being the operative word here.  The Boy’s seventh birthday is Friday.  The in laws are here.  My sister – in – law and I have made a semi-peace with one another.  She stays on her end of the county I stay on mine.  (See I CAN be diplomatic.)  Next Monday I’ll be back to subbing on a daily basis.  MONEY, oh how you are needed!

 

I’m going to FINALLY quit smoking!  I have everything set up to do so.  Activities to keep my busy, water to drink when I feel as if I have to have something in my hand.  Plus I’m going to make full use of out of out ameneties building’s work out equipment.  God is this going to suck.   But the thing is, the big thing you see is that I’ll be turning thirty this year.  OH HOW THAT KILLS ME!  I want to be as healthy as I possibly can for my thirty’s.  I didn’t do it in my twenties but oh how I’m going to try now. 

 

Christmas was well, Christmas this year.  Over and done.  I just want to try and survive the new year. 

 

Hope all are well!

What made me…

I saw him today.  The man that made me what I am.  The beginning of my foray into adulthood.  The man who gave and took away.  The man I thought I could never put down, never absorb enough of, the first man to make me cry, the first man I made cry. 

 

I once believed I could not breathe if he wasn’t near me.  I couldn’t live if he wasn’t mine or even some semblance of such.  But I found I was stronger.  I found I was better for it, better for knowing, better for leaving.  I needed to let go, I needed to grow.  I needed what he couldn’t/wouldn’t give me.  I needed myself. 

 

But he still stops my breath.  Do I love him?  No, I haven’t for years.  I know that I never will again.  Friends?  I’ve never been good with that with anyone.  Friends with someone who knows me, knows why I do, and what I do, what I want, and I will?  I can’t go back there anymore.  I won’t. 

 

I have more now.  I have someone I can and do love.  Someone who wants all of me.  Someone who will take no less, and no more.  Someone who lets me live and learn, someone who loves me for what I am.  For better or worse, he is the man that makes me the woman I’ve always wanted to be.  The woman that I needed to be. 

 

So if for nothing else, thank you.  Thank you for the memories, the lessons learned, thank you for giving me myself.

I gots’ to fix this thing…

I’ve been perusing my site for the last two days and some of the crap on here I haven’t updated in TWO YEARS people.  (Course if you really want to see how lazy I am, you should see the state of my poor dogs hair.  Or is it fur?  Either way it’s depressing.) 

 

Luckily for me I have tomorrow off again. 

 

Unluckily, it’s my kid sister’s birthday. 

 

You know one of the milestone ones.  Quarter of a century one?  I have no clue as to what to give this chick, but I will say this – she is very materialistic.  You have to buy her something, and make over her birthday or else you’re dead for a year.  Only after a year’s passing and the arrival of her next birthday do you stand a chance of redeeming your self. (This is cracking me up just typing this.  I can picture my self in a cave in the dark squating over a fire whispering this, as if it were almost a chant to keep the bad juu-juu away.) Yes it’s true.  I will refrain from saying - Seriously!  But you see I learned a lesson at Christmas last year.  I spent boo-koo’s on this kid last year.  Coach coin purses, Pandora beads, a fifty dollar paper weight that looks like a diamond straight out of an Indiana Jones movie.  I mean I did the works.  Now a lot of stuff I got pretty cheap, and some not but it is fun to watch the kid open her presents.  (And no I don’t give to get either, I really do get a kick out of it.) 

 

But my present left me scratching my head.  See I got chapstick.  Not even the good kind.  You know the kind, the one that promises it will be good to you and smells as if it’s atleast going to taste good, but when worn taste if you tried to eat the burnt end of a dusty candle that’s sat on your coffee table a tad too long?  Yeah, that one.  Oh and lets not forget a coin purse to carry it in.  Not to out do one’s self, it was a green M&M coin purse.  I forgot I hadn’t aged in the last fifteen years and that all I could study was Bonne Bell lipsmackers.  (Note to self, check age.)  I didn’t even comment.  I just unwrapped, smiled and said thank you and wondered when I could recycle the gift.  A few minutes later the ‘Material Girl’ decided she share with me the great and wonderful wisdom behind her gift.  She claims she noticed that I had a bad habit of of biting my lips and thought it would be great to give me something to help with that.  Two she also noticed that  I kept wadded ones and change in my pockets and could never find anything when I wanted something out of the vending machine. (A Substitute’s best friend that machine is.)  And third, she decided of all people’s presents she could skimp on this year was mine because she was saving for a new bag that she had seen at the Coach (where she had originally went to buy my present, but decided if I really wanted one I could buy it for myself.  Yes, she said it.) outlet and I of all people would understand how this was going to help her.   

 

She never did buy her purse. 

 

I did. 

 

Know what her gift is for her birthday this year?

 

The reciept where I returned it.

 

I could use the peace and quiet.